Week 6 Knowledge is Strength

I have three young adult children now.  One is who is married with children, one about to be engaged (we think) and another off on a mission adventure.  I learned this week that knowledge is strength. We need to get to know our spouses and work at our marriages.  We need to gain that knowledge by reaching out and trying to connect with each other on a regular basis.

Having knowledge about your significant other can give both of you joy.  John M Gottman, MD, in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, states that having a love map for your loved one will help us come closer and keep connected to one another as life swirls around us.  Here are his twenty questions for how your marriage is doing on the love map principle.  Answer true or false.

1.I can name my partner's best friends. T F

2. I can tell you what stresses my partner is currently facing. T F.

3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritation my partner lately. T F.

4. I can tell you some of my partner's life dreams. T F 

5. I am very familiar with my partner's religious beliefs and ideas. T F 

6. I can tell you about my partner's basic philosophy of life. T F 

7. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least. T F 

8. I know my partner's favorite music. T F 

9. I can list my partner's three favorite movies. T F 

10 My spouse is familiar with my current stresses. T F

11. I know the three most special times in my partner's life. T F

12. I can tell you the most stressful thing that happened to my partner as a child. T F

13. I can list my partner's major aspirations and hopes in life. T F

14. I know my partner's major current worries. T F

15. My spouse knows who my friends are. T F 

16. I know what my partner would want to do if he or she suddenly won the lottery. T F

17. I can tell you in detail my first impressions of my partner. T F

18. Periodically I ask my partner about his or her world right now.  T F

19. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well.  T F

20. My spouse is familiar with my hopes and aspirations. T F.

Give yourself one point for your "true" answer.

10 or higher. This is an area of strength for your marriage.  You have a fairly detailed map of your spouse's every life, hopes, fears and dreams. 

Below 10, your marriage could stand some improvement in this area.  Perhaps you never had the time or the tools to really et to know each other. Or perhaps your love maps have become outdated as your lives have changed over the years.(1) 

How did you do?  Do you have room for improvement?  Do you want to improve?

Sometimes we get so caught up in our hum drum everyday lives that we forget to use the knowledge, gain knowledge or look back on the knowledge for our spouse.  Take the time to reconnect with your loved one.  Be grateful for the wonderful person you chose to marry.  Take a look see and remember why you got married, your feelings that made you leap for joy every time you spent time with them.  Use this knowledge for the past to renew your relationship today.  Find the strength in your relationship and grab tight of those feelings and be grateful for your relationship you have cultivated today.

1. John M. Gottman, PH.D., and Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, pg 56-57, Harmony Books.